This weekend I had the opportunity to go to Mustang Island with a couple of friends. When I was asked, the unadventerous part of me thought, "why do I want to drive over two hours to the beach? I have a perfectly decent pool in my backyard"
Now I think I understand a few things about myself. A couple of years ago, my family went to Cozumel on a cruise. I did not enjoy myself much but they all did. The reason- they let themselves while I held onto ridiculous hangups. I did not get into the water- the beautiful, crystal blue, clear water because I felt too fat. I never got into the ship's pools or sunbathed because I was too fat. I went and ate and felt fatter... I allowed ridiculous hangups about my self image to ruin two cruises and who knows what damage I have done to my family because society says I can't be seen in public since I'm overweight. I allow myself to believe this.
My friends are wonderful women with similar body types as mine. They dropped their towels and plunged into the waves. One shouted a huge, unrestrained YIPPEE!! and we were off. Guess what! No fat police came and told us, "hey, you're too fat for this beach!" No one even noticed us. We splashed, we played and I learned how to boogie board. I learned to make the board leap off the backside of the waves so you could "fly" and I learned something else. I learned to let go and fly.
I felt the difference between those waves and my pool. The difference is everything. I learned to let go and embrace the wild, crashing freedom. The pool is tame and controlled. I control the pool- who swims in , who sees me in it and whether or not I get splashed or not. The pool is a controlled environment and this is the difference. The waves on the beach cannot be controlled. They crash and roll, unrestrained. I learned to feel that wild sense of YIPPEE and yelled WHEEE as we crashed over the waves. The water did not care what I looked like. The sand did not care if my thighs rubbed together and neither did anyone else on that beach. I got salt water in my mouth, sand in my suit, a sunburn and, best of all, I let it all go. I yelled YIPPEE!
