Exercises in Non-Fiction Writing: Confession of a Cynic

Confession of a Cynic:

I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing for myself and not only for school assignments. In my search for motivation, I found a prompt about cynicism- having someone cynical in your life, how does that expericance make you feel, etc and I thought "I AM the cynic in my life!"

The idea was to write a journal type entry about how expericancing cynicism effects your life and it dawns on me that being a cynic is why I am stuck at not writing. Everytime I even think of writing, I "doubt" myself out of any and all ideas. "Nope, that's been done," "no one wants to hear about that," or my biggest enemy, the most evil, most convincing villian to my creativity- "you don't have anything to offer. Who wants to hear from you?"

That is worse than cynicism, it's self-destructive behavior. I would not allow anyone to treat me like this yet I constantly find myself putting myself down. I think I am fairly intelligent and yet... I seem to have lost my ability to write it out, express myself unless I have a specific, non-emotional reason to do so. I have completed my Bachelor's in English and am about to embark upon the Master's program and yet I cannot say I have a voice.

Where did that voice go?

Women are slammed with images telling us how to look, act, BE and I understand this. I understand the mass marketing of image and the untruths in those images and yet... I believe them at some level. If I say I am too fat, there are many who would say "oh no, you are beautiful the way you are. Embrace yourself." That is a lovely idea until a plus sized women goes shopping. It's hard to be beautiful when all the clothing options are moomoos and all the "cute" or trendy clothing stops at a size 12. If I say I am happy being the age I am, that is a great mantra until I walk through store isles and am bombarded by row upon row of anti-aging creams. Aging is something to be fought against and spend mass quantitites of money and time fighting.

Being a woman is supposed to hold power and is something to be proud of but... it's not. Being a woman is nothing but a huge struggle. It is hard to not be cyncial when the world around me tells me I am not enough. You hear somethng enough, you begin to believe it.

A Fool for a Client

It's been too many days but I have had a couple of workouts with the trainer. It is amazing the difference the workouts are with a trainer than alone- we have a plan, the exercises are explained and I find myself pushing harder with him then I would on my own. The encouragement, advice and feeling of empowerment are amazing!

It's been a bit of a slow start- my last workout was Monday and I won't see Maurice until Friday (that's the plan I arranged). Throughout the week however, we set goals and workouts for the days in between. I missed going yesterday, it was not a nice day and I found myself dragging to move anywhere- we've been fighting with car trouble all weekend and it was finally resolved yesterday evening (don't ask, ugh)!

Monday was arms with some core- my right shoulder is still unhappy with me but it's the good kind of ache. The ache which means muscles were used that have not been used before (and knowing the difference). I pushed, sweat and grunted and it was good. It's somewhat embarrassing to see how little the weight is but Maurice constantly tells me we will build, we will strengthen and I'm doing a great job.

My husband is doing cross-fit and we talk about our workouts. He is heaving 100+ pounds while I lifted a paltry10lbs. That could be depressing- I have allowed myself to become so badly out of shape. However, I understand why a trainer or someone working with you is beneficial. It is all about the encouragement, the "you're doing your best, you're on the right track" and someone having your back is amazing.

I used to think trainers were only for rich people but now I understand- the encouragment, the knowledge and the help are key. There's a saying that a man who represents himself has fool for a client. We wouldn't think to sell a house, go to court, or do our own surgery yet we think we can go it alone at the gym. Now I think I get it- I was the fool client.

Finding What Works

It should come as no surprise that my brilliant plan of exercising did not work- however, all hope is not lost. I tried the "I'll do it myself" at home approach and just didn't stick to it, then had guilt about that and well, you know the rest.

I took the plunge and got a GASP gym membership. A few years back, I had a treadmill and had decent results so I thought that's the way to go. As part of my membership, there is a health consultation included. We all know this is standard but I thought, "Hey, what the heck! I might learn something." Learn something I did! After all these years of back, knee and foot pain I chalked up to being overweight, lazy and all those various, harmful words we say to ourselves to account for failing, I found answers. This is only day one but the answers were like manna- it all made sense. After my official write-up, I'll tell you all the big words but it was eye-opening. My back slopes at the base, resulting in constant pressure on my lower spine (thus, the back pain) which  you can check standing heels, butt, back against a wall then raising your hands above your head. Put your palms against the wall. Is your back against the wall?? Mine was definitely NOT. The trainer (the Amazing Joe) could fit his entire arm through the space between the wall and my back.

Now stand at your usual, comfortable stance. My feet always want to look like a duck- what that means in the short answer is my outer leg muscles try to overcompensate, creating constant knee and foot pain. The  list is longer but to not dull you to death, it means no amount of working out alone will ever fix these things. It means no amount of push ups, cardio, whatever will ever take away my pain even if I could lose all the weight I wanted.

All hope is not lost though! Now the cool part! I know what the problem is and we're going to solve it! It's called "Antagonistic Muscles"- just like the antagonist in a story. One set of muscles is always doing all the work, all the time while the opposite, opposing ones do nothing and even can't do their work since the others won't let them. We have to make those over-compensating muscles relax, then work those weak, underused muscles. As those muscles learn to do their work, strength training occurs, creating more muscle. Muscle burns fat! SO as we strengthen and build the new ones, we are also improving our core while rebuilding my back and posture.

PHEW! That's a lot! I'm excited about working out for the first time ever!

I created a set of my goals which Joe asked me to and they are goals most people want who engage in weight lose or exercise but the best part is, I don't have to give up the food I love or make drastic changes which is why diets never work. I'm building a better me- I'm building a person who will feel good inside and out. That's what really matters- not what size we are but that we are happy and as healthy as we can be.

So- this is my journey using a trainer and trying something new. This is a really new experiance- let's see what happens!

Time to Quit Whining!

I've whined about how fat I am, how I don't like the way I look, blah blah blah. I've done a few BodyRock workouts but not stuck to it for various whiney reasons but now, they've started another 30 day challenge. It's time to poop or get off the pot, quit my belly aching and get on with it!

I did the Day 2 challenge AND mowed the lawn so I think I'm good for today. (I didn't complete the whole challenge but got about 30 min. of it). I'm using weights Hubby has, doing what I can do and pushing. This is something I can do and doesn't take long. That's the brillance of bodyrock- it's user friendly even for out of shape hippo butts like me!

I know I should be able to be happy with myself for who I am but I admit, I'm not. I hate seeing pictures of myself- hate seeing my chin look like a frog puffing out. BRRIBBET BRIBBET. I want to buy cute clothes from the mall, and not squish my own fat when I sit down. I know many people would disagree with me- I'm smart, funny, etc. but I am not happy in my own body for my own reasons. Some of those reasons are vain or foolish I admit, but they are mine.

 I've made excuses- too hot outside, my feet hurt, can't afford a gym, blah blah, whine whine but here is the perfect, at home, adaptable workout. Now what's my excuse. To me, the excuses to not do something are worse than the fat. I've allowed the excuses to stand in my way too long and I've run out of them. The excuses are heavier than the fat.

NO MORE EXCUSES! Tomorrow- scary measurements and accountablility. EEP!

Welcome to My World- Learning about Deaf Culture

The past year, to fulfill my foreign language requirement at Texas A&M San Antonio, I have been taking American Sign Language. As I have moved forward, I have come to love the language and the culture. I have learned Deaf people have their own individual and unique culture. I have come to love what I have learned that I decided, on top of my English degree, to add Deaf Support specialist training.

Part of the process for each ASL class is to attend a number of Deaf events and with each consecutive class, the requirement becomes more difficult. In ASL I, one could attend an event and but not be too concerned with the amount of interaction (after all, you won't know much sign but only that you try). Now being in ASL III, the level of interaction and signing has increased accordingly. In an attempt to complete one event and increase my signing abilities, I got my courage up and attended Game night on campus- a once a month event hosted by the ASL department's student club. I enjoyed myself but also once again realized how much harder I need to practice. My sign reading ability is pathetic and trying to read finger spelling just is not there.

While it is never fun to be faced with one's short comings, the event was not a bad thing. Quite the opposite. Everyone present was there for similar reasons- we want to learn more about this language and culture most of us hearing people are not familiar with. Many of us have come to love what we have found and are there for the enjoyment and chance to practice/ improve our signing. Professor Cage, a Deaf professor, spoke briefly. He asked if we felt a bit uneasy, found communicating by strictly signing, and not speaking aloud was a bit intimidating. It was. He laughed and said, "welcome to my world. Now you have a better understanding of how I feel in a meeting of all hearing people. You have a better understanding of how Deaf people feel all the time in the hearing world." The wonderful thing about all I have learned about the Deaf community is they do not want to exclude those of us who are desirous to learn, they embrace us and are more than happy to help us with our signs.

The bigger, more difficult lesson I am learning though is while the Deaf welcome us into their world, we do not do the same. Hearing people judge the Deaf as "handicap," inferior, less than human many times and less intelligent. This is absolutely not true. I think the lesson is to be more accepting, to understand what is outside our comfort zone, be less judgemental. Instead, I think there needs to be increased, sincere curiousity and a willingness to learn what we do not understand. I was uncomfortable, I admit it. I was not uncomfortable with Deaf people but at my own shortcomings. I wonder how many times someone has struck out, with the intention to knock someone down for a similar reason. Not because the person deserved it but because there was an unwillingness to understand why and what the difference was.

The Time to Yell "Yipee"!!

This weekend I had the opportunity to go to Mustang Island with a couple of friends. When I was asked, the unadventerous part of me thought, "why do I want to drive over two hours to the beach? I have a perfectly decent pool in my backyard"

Now I think I understand a few things about myself. A couple of years ago, my family went to Cozumel on a cruise. I did not enjoy myself much but they all did. The reason- they let themselves while I held onto ridiculous hangups. I did not get into the water- the beautiful, crystal blue, clear water because I felt too fat. I never got into the ship's pools or sunbathed because I was too fat. I went and ate and felt fatter... I allowed ridiculous hangups about my self image to ruin two cruises and who knows what damage I have done to my family because society says I can't be seen in public since I'm overweight. I allow myself to believe this.

My friends are wonderful women with similar body types as mine. They dropped their towels and plunged into the waves. One shouted a huge, unrestrained YIPPEE!! and we were off. Guess what! No fat police came and told us, "hey, you're too fat for this beach!" No one even noticed us. We splashed, we played and I learned how to boogie board. I learned to make the board leap off the backside of the waves so you could "fly" and I learned something else. I learned to let go and fly.

I felt the difference between those waves and my pool. The difference is everything. I learned to let go and embrace the wild, crashing freedom. The pool is tame and controlled. I control the pool- who swims in , who sees me in it and whether or not I get splashed or not. The pool is a controlled environment and this is the difference. The waves on the beach cannot be controlled. They crash and roll, unrestrained. I learned to feel that wild sense of YIPPEE and yelled WHEEE as we crashed over the waves. The water did not care what I looked like. The sand did not care if my thighs rubbed together and neither did anyone else on that beach. I got salt water in my mouth, sand in my suit, a sunburn and, best of all, I let it all go. I yelled YIPPEE!

Unhealthy Healthcare

Summer is finally coming to an end and school started for the boys (I start next week). In order to start school though, Bubba's school nurse called a few weeks ago to inform us he was missing a couple of shots. No big deal right? We have insurance, loads of places offer quick and affordable drop in clinics so no problem...

How wrong I was.

Our first stop was Walgreens where we were informed that our insurance didn't cover the two shots and they would be nearly $200!! Are you kidding me!? Hubby suggests a local clinic we could pop into, no problem. The receptionist was helpful and told us that upcoming weekend, vaccines would be given for free- YAY! Good news! I like free!!

Saturday comes and we head off to get the shots (Oh, and after double checking shot records, I discovered Bubba only needed one of the two but more on that). We arrive to find this GIANT tent with hundreds of people in line, some sitting, some standing. I assume the standing line we were directed to was for shots, the other for free dental exams which we don't need. I was WRONG! The entire mass of people are there for both, it's all one HUGE line.

To make a long story shorter, we waited over six, yes SIX hours to be seen. Bubba counted the times we moved, equaling eleven different stops or lines within lines. We went from the tent into the YMCA, into the gym for two more areas to sit in, and finally into the clinic for three more stops. (That's not all eleven, trust me, you don't want to know all the details). When we finally get to see the doctor, he says, "Okay, so you need just the one shot correct?" Yup- but he says something different... Huuuh? Turns out Bubba was missing the second half of his Hepititis shot but that is not either of the ones the nurse mentioned. It all worked out okay in the end since he did need a shot after all but... ACK!!

The thing that stuck me over and over were all the other people waiting in line- literally hundreds and they will be doing the same thing a week later. All those people, all either under or uninsured and yet our government has been fighting for years over healthcare. I think if they had to spend even a day going through one of these lines, things would change. I saw people who were most likely lower income but I also people like myself who were most likely under-insured. I was not looking for a hand out, we are insured and pay a dang lot of money for that insurance. However, this is is not the first time our insurance has failed us. Why do we have something that does not work? Because its the only option we have? If any other company or service worked the way healthcare does, that place would not be in business long but here we are, fighting to get something as basic as immunizations, which cost hundreds of dollars and are not covered. I ask someone to explain that logic to me. Stand in line at a free clinic in the Texas heat and tell me we don't need a better plan.

Blub Blub, I'm an Idiot!

Today I learned a very valuable lesson- I'm an idiot.

Soooo we had a leaky water spout in the backyard and that isn't a difficult fix. Well, it shouldn't be a difficult fix unless you're a moron like me. I bought a new one- nope, I needed a female connection (silly me, didn't think to check that). No problem, exchanged them.

Now the fun begins... The Boy and I think we can easily change the old one out without turning off the water main. (Oh be quiet, like you've never been silly. Quit laughing)! We begin to remove the old spout and UNLEASH NIAGARA FALLS with a huge WHOOSH of flooding, cascading water we can't stop. I begin running around the house, pulling things away from the garage walls and running around the yard searching for the main water... nothing. The Boy is smarter and makes a call to the water department. (Oh, and just so you know, there is no "if you are a bleedin' moron, push 1" option by the way). They say "Um, we dunno. Outside..." when he finally gets a person on the line and asks if they know where the turn off is. In the mean time, I'm in the backyard with the new spout. I'm thinking, "Okay, so I'll get wet but maybe I can just get this thing on and be alright. What's a bit of getting wet?" along with "OH MY GOSH, the water bill!!!!!"

The blasted thing will not connect. Nope nope nope! I'm soaked and by soaked, I mean wetter than if you threw me in the pool eight times over. I'm wringing, sopping wet. The ocean is drier than I am. There is water spewing into my yard and when I attempt to get the spout on, water is SHOOTING up the house, onto the BBQ grill and anywhere else water wants to go. I'm sure I watered the neighbor's lawns ON BOTH SIDES and the next town over. I decide there is no hope for the new one and decide to try the old one but realize I had thrown it in a fit of panic. Now is a new panic- where did it go? It ran away! After locating the old spout, I attempt at refitting it and VIOLA, it starts to go on!! I'm brilliant!! The thing turns, the water dissipates, more turning and TA DA, no more water!!! Because The Boy managed to find and turn off the water main... He comes around the corner where I'm standing and dripping, completely water logged. He looks at me, huge grin on his face and says "Well that was cool!"

Well Crap!

Weeeellll, I'm not surprised but so much for my whole "I'm going to write everyday" idea. In an attempt to get back on track, I'm writing but with nothing to say. That's my biggest issue- I have grand ideas but nothing to back them. I want to accomplish so many things but when the time comes, I find myself doing something else. Usually that something else is of little consequence like doing laundry, cleaning the pool (don't get my started about the pool) or whatever- those things which do need doing but end up becoming the only things I get done and not those big plans I had for myself. I keep trying to think of something of consequence to write but nothing comes. Do you ever fear your dreams have all dried up and gone away but you didn't get the memo? I think though, instead of moaning and whining though, getting back on the stick would be better. You don't get better at something by just hoping you will- you only get better with loads of effort. I tend to "forget" that part and want the NOW NOW NOW! Time to go with the old saying that success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration. Time to get sweaty!!

WHEW!

At long last, I put my money where my mouth was so to speak. I keep thinking there has to be a way to combine what I love with ways to make money while still doing the full time mom/student thing. Why I never thought of Freelance Writing is beyond me... I'm smart but not always. I took a little jump and submitted a short story in hopes of beginning the long road of being published! It's a small start but it's a start none the less. One has to start somewhere and what's the worst that could happen? They would say a polite no, I will sulk a bit and send the story on to somewhere else to try. At best, I make some money and start earning street cred!! One of the other ways I found to try being a free lance writer is blogging and hey, I have a sadly neglected blog! Soooo my wee little blog, let's see what we can do together! I think the next step is to start finding more things to write about and broaden my world. I could like this idea! Now what to write about?? Hmmm...

Time Marches on

It's been over a year since my last post. Much has changed and yet, much remains the same. I think that's how life is though. For every step forward, you also go back. I think it's where we've been that decides where we go. I am back at San Antonio college with only three courses to complete my Bachelor's with A&M. So the degree is almost complete but only three measly courses at the beginning level stand in my way. One more semester- but isn't that the way? Only one more something, one thing more. What will be next for me to say? Only one more thing, one more thing and then I'll have what I want. What do I want? I'm not sure. I think I know, I thought I knew but it changes. I'm supposed to be an adult but what does that mean? Because my driver's license says I'm a certain age, I'm supposed to also have certain knowledge and know. I'm supposed to know but what am I supposed to know and who decided on this list of approved knowledge. Was there a test and I didn't get the memo? Does that mean I'm not really an approved, certified adult?

Long Time, No Chat

Wow, my last post was a year ago and what a busy year! We are fully settled into San Antonio and loving it! If things go like I think they should, I'll finally finished that magical Bachelor's Degree with Texas A&M San Antonio (GO Jaggies!) For now however, I found this amazing website for sewers that tells you the pattern and accessories to get the full look you see in the mags! Check it out and have some fun! Make This Look Here's a little sample of how it looks!

Can't Talk, The Dr. is On!

Can't talk, time for a new season of the Dr. I'm super excited, the new season opens with a scary series. I love the scary ones!!! Grab some snacks and let's hunker on the sofa together!

I'm turning off the phone and maybe the lights. Ooooh!

The Place Where I Live

I finally am getting around to updating and uploading some pictures onto my Flickr account and ran across these. I love looking at my new hometown.
These photos were taken in my favorite part of the city- Riverwalk. No matter what day or time I go, there is something wonderful to see. This is a city full of laughter, friendly faces and amazing food. We can't forget about the food! I have never eaten such delicious Mexican food!

Biology Bites

Sooo, I've been fighting the good fight this semester and trying to finish my Associates. I've of course left myself all of my favorite classes like Biology and math.

I studied, took some time with the professor, printed out all the lectures. You name it, I tried it... got my last test back and made a whopping 40%. 40%?!?! DAAANNNG! That's just crappy.

The Trek West- Man, Do I Have it Easy!

In Seminary, we are about to begin the Trek West lessons. I'm not sure how many days I can make the kids do but I could spend days, weeks, months, reading about all the stories. One of the interesting things I found was the supply list printed in the Nauvoo Neighbor, the main newspaper in Nauvoo at the time. I also found a blog, called Utah Preppers who had a list they converted to modern times.Here is the original items:
BILL OF PARTICULARS
For the emigrants leaving this government next spring.
Each family consisting of five persons, to be provided with—
1 good strong wagon well covered with a light box.
2 or 3 good yoke of oxen between the age of 4 and 10 years.
2 or more milch cows.
1 or more good beefs.
3 sheep if they can be obtained.
1000 lbs. of flour or other bread, or bread stuffs in good sacks. 1 good musket or rifle to each male over the age of twelve years.
1 lb. powder.
4 lbs. lead.
1 do. Tea.
5 do. coffee.
100 do. sugar.
1 do. cayenne pepper.
2 do. black do.
1/2 lb. mustard.
10 do. rice for each family.
1 do. cinnamon.
1/2 do. cloves.
1 doz. nutmegs.
25 lbs. salt.
5 lbs. saleratus.
10 do. dried apples.
1 bush. of beans.
A few lbs. of dried beef or bacon.
5 lbs. dried peaches.
20 do. do. pumpkin.
25 do. seed grain.
1 gal. alcohol.
20 lbs. of soap each family.
4 or 5 fish hooks and lines.
15 lbs. iron and steel.
A few lbs. of wrought nails.
One or more sets of saw or grist mill irons to company of 100 families. 1 good seine and hook for each company.
2 sets of pulley blocks and ropes to each company for crossing rivers.
From 25 to 100 lbs. of farming and mechanical tools.
Cooking utensils to consist of bake kettle, frying pan. coffee pot, and tea kettle.
Tin cups, plates. knives, forks, spoons, and pans as few as will do.
A good tent and furniture to each 2 families.
Clothing and bedding to each family, not to exceed 500 pounds.
Ten extra teams for each company of 100 families.
N. B.—In addition to the above list, horse and mule teams can be used as well as oxen. Many items of comfort and convenience will suggest themselves to a wise and provident people, and can be laid, in in season; but none should start without filling the original bill.

Here is Utah Preppers list converted to fit modern days:
A strong 4 wheel drive with a large trailer attached
100 pounds of powdered milk (I’m attempting guess how much they would need in the time it took them to travel and considering that today most people can’t keep a milk cow)
300 – 400 pounds of preserved beef (again, trying to estimate considering most people can’t keep beef cattle
150 – 200 pounds of preserved mutton
1,000 pounds of flour, wheat, or bread
1/2 lbs mustard
600 lbs of rice (I’m assuming that they are referring to a dozen 50 pound bags of rice)
12 sticks of cinnamon? I’m not sure about cinnamon at all, never used it
6 cloves? Again, I’m not sure how to convert this
12 nutmegs? I’m going to assume for these spices that one spice bottle from the grocery store would be sufficient
25 lbs salt
5 lbs baking powder (saleratus)
5 #10 cans of dried apples
50 lbs of beans
5 lbs dried bacon (bacon bits?)
2 #10 cans of dried peaches
20 cans of pumpkin (I think this may have been to make pies with regularly but I’m really not sure, maybe replace it with cans of pie filling?)
25 lbs of seed for planting
1 gal 91% isopropal alcohol
40 bars of soap (I think a bar is about 1/2 pound or so)
fishing poles, hooks, line and other tackle
Iron and Steel tools i.e. hammers, saws, drills, etc (I think carrying raw steel was to forge tools with which we don’t really do these days)
5 pounds of nails, 8, 10 and 16 penny
Wheat grinder
1 good rifle per person (we won’t exclude the women)
250 bullets per rifle
24 lbs powdered drink mix (kool-aid, coffee, tea, etc)
100 lbs sugar
3 bottles of cayenne pepper (Cayenne pepper is a very good herbal treatment as well as a flavoring)
1 Heavy Duty Pulley block with hook or possibly a powered winch on your 4×4
2 good pulley blocks
Shovels, rakes, hoes, other gardening tools – as well as a tiller and gas
Outdoor Cookware – dutch ovens, frying pans, cooking pots, kettles, etc
Eating Utensiles, forks, spoons, knives, plates, bowls, cups
A good tent, collapsible chairs, tables, cots etc as desired
Several changes of clothes per person
1 Good sleeping bag per person
More gas than you need to get where you’re going, spare hoses, fuses, various vehicle parts, tools to repair vehicles

Food, Inc or Why is My Food Biting Back?

I've never considered myself a foodie or anything fancy like that. I admit there's not too many hamburgers I've said no to but last night, Hubby and I watched "Food, Inc". That movie might've changed our food habits forever. Sadly, I knew many of the facts presented but something finally clicked. Maybe it was seeing the cow's legs turned backwards, the chickens who can't support their own weight or some combination but it's time to turn over a new leaf and pay attention to what goes in my family's mouths.

The amount of garbage coming through even foods we thought should be safe was frightening. We started today by making a trip to Whole Foods, doing a little shopping and research into buying healthier options.

I'm going to start using my blog, turning over some new, improved habits and let's see where we go from there!

Ch-ch-changes!

Things have changed dramatically around our household as in, well, the whole house. We have moved to San Antonio, TX and are loving it! We have been here about three weeks now and the dust is finally starting to settle and the family is in a routine. The kids are learning whole new outlooks on life and people which pleases me to no end. There is so much variety to experience here and we want to dig in deep to our new home!

*Photo is not mine. I wish!

What!?!?!

Sooo, I have a teenager who is being every bit a teenager.

The Boy: "have you done my laundry?" (he asked me nicely yesterday to do it)
Me: "Oh, I need to dry it but ya."
The Boy: "Oh no, all of my stuff needs to be turned inside out or it will fade"
Me: "If you want special requests, maybe you should do it yourself."
The Boy: (In an accusatory tone) "Aren't you supposed to be the mom?"

I don't know where he got this attitude but part of me wants to put my foot up his butt. I'm pulling a full load of courses, (managing a 3.75-3.5, doing lessons for Seminary, maintaing the house and The Boy... played Need for Speed and not much more. Where did this sense of entitlement come from??

I Think, Therefore This Sucks

Ugh, this semester has been a bit hard. I am into the final, don't wanna take courses. This semester has been Philosophy, History of Western Civ I, Public Speaking and Creative Writing. Most of them I'm doing alright but the Philosophy... UGH UGH UGH. I find almost no valid reason for it and am just hanging on for dear life.

Most of the time, I don't understand the Why of it- Why do the philosophers feel the need to ask if they exist? If they can ask, doesn't that therefore mean they exist? I find myself unable to make any connections and that makes it hard to study. Hubby says this is one of those things that goes in one ear, hang on long enough to pass the test and dump it... I agree.

To be is to have to study harder! ACK!