Friday, September 20, 2013
Part of the process for each ASL class is to attend a number of Deaf events and with each consecutive class, the requirement becomes more difficult. In ASL I, one could attend an event and but not be too concerned with the amount of interaction (after all, you won't know much sign but only that you try). Now being in ASL III, the level of interaction and signing has increased accordingly. In an attempt to complete one event and increase my signing abilities, I got my courage up and attended Game night on campus- a once a month event hosted by the ASL department's student club. I enjoyed myself but also once again realized how much harder I need to practice. My sign reading ability is pathetic and trying to read finger spelling just is not there.
While it is never fun to be faced with one's short comings, the event was not a bad thing. Quite the opposite. Everyone present was there for similar reasons- we want to learn more about this language and culture most of us hearing people are not familiar with. Many of us have come to love what we have found and are there for the enjoyment and chance to practice/ improve our signing. Professor Cage, a Deaf professor, spoke briefly. He asked if we felt a bit uneasy, found communicating by strictly signing, and not speaking aloud was a bit intimidating. It was. He laughed and said, "welcome to my world. Now you have a better understanding of how I feel in a meeting of all hearing people. You have a better understanding of how Deaf people feel all the time in the hearing world." The wonderful thing about all I have learned about the Deaf community is they do not want to exclude those of us who are desirous to learn, they embrace us and are more than happy to help us with our signs.
The bigger, more difficult lesson I am learning though is while the Deaf welcome us into their world, we do not do the same. Hearing people judge the Deaf as "handicap," inferior, less than human many times and less intelligent. This is absolutely not true. I think the lesson is to be more accepting, to understand what is outside our comfort zone, be less judgemental. Instead, I think there needs to be increased, sincere curiousity and a willingness to learn what we do not understand. I was uncomfortable, I admit it. I was not uncomfortable with Deaf people but at my own shortcomings. I wonder how many times someone has struck out, with the intention to knock someone down for a similar reason. Not because the person deserved it but because there was an unwillingness to understand why and what the difference was.
Tuesday, September 03, 2013
This weekend I had the opportunity to go to Mustang Island with a couple of friends. When I was asked, the unadventerous part of me thought, "why do I want to drive over two hours to the beach? I have a perfectly decent pool in my backyard"
Now I think I understand a few things about myself. A couple of years ago, my family went to Cozumel on a cruise. I did not enjoy myself much but they all did. The reason- they let themselves while I held onto ridiculous hangups. I did not get into the water- the beautiful, crystal blue, clear water because I felt too fat. I never got into the ship's pools or sunbathed because I was too fat. I went and ate and felt fatter... I allowed ridiculous hangups about my self image to ruin two cruises and who knows what damage I have done to my family because society says I can't be seen in public since I'm overweight. I allow myself to believe this.
My friends are wonderful women with similar body types as mine. They dropped their towels and plunged into the waves. One shouted a huge, unrestrained YIPPEE!! and we were off. Guess what! No fat police came and told us, "hey, you're too fat for this beach!" No one even noticed us. We splashed, we played and I learned how to boogie board. I learned to make the board leap off the backside of the waves so you could "fly" and I learned something else. I learned to let go and fly.
I felt the difference between those waves and my pool. The difference is everything. I learned to let go and embrace the wild, crashing freedom. The pool is tame and controlled. I control the pool- who swims in , who sees me in it and whether or not I get splashed or not. The pool is a controlled environment and this is the difference. The waves on the beach cannot be controlled. They crash and roll, unrestrained. I learned to feel that wild sense of YIPPEE and yelled WHEEE as we crashed over the waves. The water did not care what I looked like. The sand did not care if my thighs rubbed together and neither did anyone else on that beach. I got salt water in my mouth, sand in my suit, a sunburn and, best of all, I let it all go. I yelled YIPPEE!